Friday, 17 May 2013

Corduroy pillows are making headlines: bad jokes and links. Together at last.





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This is going to be my final post over here at dumb old Glitter and Doom. I've got a shiny new wordpress site that's guaranteed to ... be pretty much the same. It's got a bit of a different look but I've imported everything from this blog AND the old blog Four Eyes Rella too. Very fancy. So be sure to check out the archives. You know, if you're into that kind of thing.

I'm very busy trying to understand how Disqus works with wordpress, tagging things appropriately and trying to resize photos. Although I may just give up on the photos, it's like 1500 blog posts. So. Yeah I've been doing this a while.  The point is, it's kind of bare bones right now but I can't wait much longer to start posting new stuff over there, so let's just get this show on the road.

Here's this thing, click it if you'd like to follow A Blog About A Nova with bloglovin'.


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 And here's a plain old link to my new blog for if you don't like bloglovin'. 

 HERE

I really like each and every one of you and hope to see you over there. But if not, no hard feelings! I unfollow people all the time, especially when there's such an easy opportunity to just not re-up. So bla bla bla maybe I'll see you later.

Here are your links and jokes.


BAD JOKE #1: Did you hear about the two guys who stole a calendar? They each got six months.

Homo vs. hetero, some wisdom from Matt Groening circa 1983. (comic)

This brooch set is so awesome. Yeah I'm a hundred. (Etsy) I also like this campfire brooch.

Now that's my kind of butterfly! (comic)

Ah, Canadian Netflix. Why do you suck so bad? (poorly laid out meme)

BAD JOKE #2: A polar bear walks into a shop. He goes up to order and says "Hi, can I get a fish and..." he trails off, waits for a moment, and says "chips." The guy at the counter asks "what's with the big pause?" Polar bear says, "Oh, these? I was born with them."

Linguists identify 15,000 year old "ultraconserved words". (article)

Evenly spaced birds. (image)

This princess will not need rescuing. (blog post)

Walrus getting fresh. (gif)

BAD JOKE #3: How many tickles does it take to tickle an octopus? Ten tickles.

Amazing photo of a polar bear and the story of the dentist photographer who took it. Do not try this at home. I think he is crazy taking a risk like this...everybody thinks they're special and wild animals won't harm them ... until they do. Remember the grizzly man documentary? (article)

The Great Gatsby obsessive trailer analysis. (blog post)

The 7 dwarves, painted realistically. (images)

Six health questions to ask your mom. (article)

BAD JOKE #4:  What do you call an elephant that doesn't matter? An irrelephant.

Some tips to make cooking easier and faster. As a lazy person I can appreciate these. (article)

Musical chairs, choosing the right seat. (article)

Kurt Cobain, Frances Bean and a kitty. (photo)

The joy of accounting. I'm still not convinced, lol. (blog post)

BAD JOKE #5:  What do you call someone with no body and a nose? Nobody knows.

Why I'm terrible at cooking, featuring maggot-gate. (blog post)

If I were a baker, like, at all, I would make cakes that said swear words. (recipe)

The secret behind Oreo's social media marketing. (article) I love the kit kat twitter war.

I won't give Zach Braff one dime. (blog post)

BAD JOKE #6:  What time do you go to the dentist? Tooth Hurty.

Torture techniques of the Spanish Inquisition. It's exactly what it sounds like, not for the faint of heart. One time I went to a "witch museum" in Mexico City and actually saw a lot of these devices. Yup. (article)

This guy is just so happy to say good morning to people. (video)

This wedding is so nerdy but so nicely styled at the same time. (photos)

The case of the missing 's' - fashion industry and grammar defying jargon. (blog post)

BAD JOKE #7:  What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator.

All the different types of selfies. I usually do the "artistic half-face" and the "I didn't take this one" poses. (blog post)

An interview with Omit, a child who lives in a slum in India. (blog post)

Animal moms (photos)

On "thanking god" for the escape of the 3 girls who were held captive for a decade. This is kind of how I feel as well. (image)

BAD JOKE #8:  Why did I get a job at a bakery? Because I kneaded the dough.

What are giant spoilers on the back of cars even for? (photo)

A facebook update in real life. (video)

The Worst Room. A tumblr of one person's search to find a livable space in NYC...it's almost impossible to believe what people are charging for a mattress in a windowless storage closet. *almost* (blog)

I want to find something like this! (photos)

BAD JOKE #9:  What did the buffalo say to his son when he left for college? Bison.

The word "orange", to describe the color, actually changed from geoluhread or "yellow red" when English speakers met the fruit for the first time. (wikipedia - not the best source but I've heard this in linguistics classes before as well so I'm pretty sure it's true)

Have you heard about the Mayan pyramids being bulldozed in Belize ... to make roads with? (article)

Rich Manhattan moms hire handicapped tour guides so kids can cut lines at Disney World. (article)

Garbage girls. Slobs in their natural environment. (photos/interviews)

BAD JOKE #10:  The Dalai Lama, while visiting Italy, wanders into a pizzeria. The guy making the pizza says "Buongiorno sir! What can I get you?" The Dalai Lama replies "I will try your pizza, please." The pizza-man, excited to serve such a high-profile customer, replies "Let me make you a special pie. What kind of toppings do you like?" The Dalai Lama replies "Make me one with everything."

PRINCESS MONSTER, THE CAT WITH AN UNDERBITE (animal!)

Check it out, a photographer found remains of a Star Wars movie set in a desert in Tunisia! (photos)

How to get off the blogging bandwagon. (blog post)

I would wear the shit out of this shirt, especially on the bus. (ETSY)

BAD JOKE(s) #11:  What did zero say to eight? Nice belt. What did O say to Q? Dude, put that thing away! Why is 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 is a registered 6 offender. (or because seven ate nine)

Every every every generation has been a me me me generation. (article)

Ernie and Burt as thugs. (image)

From Dante to Dan Brown: 10 things about Hell. (article)

Teaching evil to Norwegians. (article)

BAD JOKE #12: Q: What's E.T. short for? A: He's only got little legs.

How to fake confidence. (comic)

Linguistics nerd t-shirt design. (image)

A comic drawn in reaction to what people are saying about Angelina Jolie's decision to get a double mastectomy. Spot on. (comic)

Check out what Kristin's life is like in the Pratyasha Foundation, feeding children in slums. (blog post)

BAD JOKE #13:  There are two fish in a tank. One looks at the other and says "do you have any idea how to drive this thing?"

Tattoos inspired by books. I wouldn't call them "incredible" but they're cute. (photos)

How to share your cause or beliefs without being a total jerk. (blog post)

Canadian anti-piracy outfit pirates photos for their website. (article)

You are filled with the devil's colors. Noa expresses my exact feelings about printers. (blog post)

BAD JOKE #14:  Working as an elevator operator has its ups and downs.

WTF? Is this a real notice? (photo)

5 tips for lightning-fast decision making. (blog post)

How panhandlers use free credit cards. (article)

Cat gets scared of a couple lizards. (video)

BAD JOKE #15:  You didn't hear about the three big holes in the ground? Well, well, well..

Guy with a sense of humor and a missing foot. (photo)

I like reading Suzy's first impressions of New York City. (blog post)

Cormac McCarthy's The Road may have the scariest passage in all of literature. I was really disturbed by that part of the book too. (article)

An easy way to convert Celsius to Fahrenheit. (article)

BAD JOKE #16:  Have you heard the joke about the broken pencil...? Never mind it's pointless.

Bat's super long tongue powered by blood. (article and video)

Have you ever heard of the "amber room" before? (article)

Some "food" I found at Superstore the other day. Like how I ever so subtly linked my new blog here? (photos)

Analyzing the language of suicide notes to help save lives. (article/podcast)

BAD JOKE #17: What's brown and sticky? A stick.

Super scary banana peel. (gif)

Stephen Fry on language. (video)

Jennifer explains some Southern idioms. (blog post)

Charlie Chaplin without makeup. (photos)

BAD JOKE #18: What's brown and rhymes with "snoop"? Dr. Dre.  


This is beautiful. (photo)

Inside the world of vapers, the subculture that may save smokers' lives. (article)

You've probably already seen the awesomest couple ever end up singing karaoke in a prank "gas station news" video. But if not, here it is. "dance break" lol. (video)

The guy in this picture says the octopus was "very friendly" ... but it was also "very strong and sly" and trying to "draw his hand towards his beak". I, for one, think this is terrifying. (photo)

BAD JOKE #19: Where does the General keep his armies?? IN HIS SLEEVIES!

Animal penises are super weird. Probably NSFW, and kind of disturbing. (article)

Bald Eagle steals a fish right off a guy's fishing line. (video)

The ultimate cat lady. (gif)

Here's a photo of Canadian astronaut Chris Hadfield, coolest astronaut ever, and a sphere of water. (photo) Oh and here he is singing Space Oddity. In Space. (video)

BAD JOKE #20:  Without a doubt, my favourite Robin Williams movie is Mrs Fire.

I want to see a cross-stitch pattern like this. (image)

Jeff Bliss, a high school student with glorious hair, tells his teacher off as he's being kicked out of class. And you know what, he's totally right. (video)

To combat sexism and violence we don't need sensitivity training, we need leadership training. (video) (19+ minutes)

Oh boy East coast, the cicadas are coming. Brood II is about to emerge.  (video)

BAD JOKE #21:  Exaggerations went up by a million percent last year.

25 vintage photos of librarians being awesome. (photos)

Canada sells out science. BOO-URNS (blog post)

The new Michael J. Fox sitcom looks hilarious! (video)

A few reading lists by other bloggers: one, two, and three. 

BAD JOKE #22:  I hate jokes that rely on visual imagery. I've had it right up to here with them.

Thanks Kaylah
Thanks Clare
Thanks Desiree
Thanks Kellie
Thanks Belle
Thanks Courtney


All these bad jokes were via this reddit thread. and this twitter account. Thanks guys! lol
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Sunday, 12 May 2013

from yesterday


It was cool of them to call back and apologize! We all had a good laugh afterwards.

Saturday, 11 May 2013

oh tank


The fourth one makes me laugh, I've never seen that face before.

Friday, 10 May 2013

composite post - walking to work in photos





Thursday, 9 May 2013

internet job scams ruined my evening



I don't really understand how this works, maybe one of you out there could enlighten me on the strange wide world of online job searches.  This one sounded perfect. It would only be 20-30 hours maximum a week, real-time meaning-for-meaning transcription of college courses for deaf/otherwise hard of hearing people.The hours would be awesome for filling up the winter months in the slow tourist season, and I'd get to hang out learning stuff for free all day long. 

Right? Awesome. 

I usually assume transcription jobs are fake when I find them online because you always need to have taken a course ... online ... on a sketchy as hell website. And it's always like seven hundred bucks. And then the work isn't even guaranteed afterward. And all the online reviews are fake too.

But this. It was actually a job posting on a real website of a real college. They said they'd pay for candidates to take the course and at the end there's (probably?) jobs at the college. I emailed the contact people that were listed in the job posting asking what I'd have to do to get this too-good-to-be-true job and one woman responded with an email that linked me to a website. 

*cough*this one*cough*

Okay. It looks like every other scammy transcription school website I've seen. But real people in a real college sent me there. I think??? 

Anyway so I went through the motions of creating an account and verifying it with my email addresss and I read the first few pages of instructions. Which were kind of ... off.

They are supposedly looking for well-educated people (because you'd need to have at least some computer knowledge, understand some or most of the course material you are transcribing, as well as understand grammar and be able to concentrate well in distracting scenarios), yet the site was totally written for dummies. I mean, it explained that you should read all the directions (duh), what links in a sidebar do (double duh), and it said things like "The typing test is what you will be doing next. This test is really hard. You may have taken an online typing test before but this one will be even more difficult." bla bla bla that's not an actual quote but you get the picture. 

So...after reading this I was feeling pretty suspicious. But I read everything. Including the one small sentence buried in a mountain of text stating that "graduates" of this course would of course not have to pay their own tuition if they had a sponsor but they would have to buy some type of software and provide their own computers. 

Hm. What software? And more importantly, how much does it cost?

I clicked around a bit.

Yeah. Three hundred bucks. 

The one rule I know about internet scams is never give anybody any money so this is a huge flashing red light to me. SCAM SCAM SCAM

But then I was already all set-up and pumped to do a typing test, and that part is free, so I thought "what the heck" and clicked through to the test. The site crashed and said I needed to download a specific Java update to continue. When I tried to enable that specific Java dealy my computer warned me that it was known to cause problems with security and is "unstable".

Well that was the final straw. I closed the entire site, and emailed the woman who told me she'd be my sponsor and who had linked to the site. I asked, first of all, if the college would be buying the $300 software after I graduated and secondly whether or not they'd heard of other people having security issues with that version of Java. I asked politely but as I was typing it I was thinking "I'm on to you".

Anyway I don't expect to hear back. Oh, also, as I was writing that email I noticed her phone number in the letterhead is a Vancouver number. Why would a college in Victoria (not a sister of any larger university) be hiring from anywhere in Vancouver? 

Anyway the entire thing reeks of a scam or at least it feels somehow wrong, and I'm very disappointed because I went so far as to fantasize about a job in a college, doing transcription work, attending interesting classes and all that jazz. Bla bla bla whatever. 

I don't know...

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Here are some outtakes of that first photo.

links and a tattoo cover up photo



Look closely. This is a photo I took at work of my boss covering up a (backwards, poorly done) crimson ghost tattoo...you can see the face in Cthulu's forehead. I don't know, I thought it looked cool. 

Anyway here are all the links I could find on the entire internet.

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This GIF about the origins of our modern alphabet is fantastic. 



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OMG OMG Allie Brosh finally posted something new! About depression! And as usual it is fantastic and very touching. (blog post/comic)

These fruit tissue balls are really cute, although I can't think of an occasion to make something like this. (DIY)




A cool way to advertise only to children. Although I could see this idea being used by toy companies and the like as well...for evil.  (video)





The 5 most spectacular landscapes on earth that murder you. I found this because a redditor said when he was a kid he didn't understand how dangerous number 3 was and would jump over it all the time. (cracked article)




If I were to get excited about gardening it would have to involve a hundred succulents like Kaylah's. And a pretty rock garden of some kind. (blog post)

The Calgary Stampede has the worst food! Three words: deep fried butter. Yeah. I quote "Cubes of butter are tightly wrapped in homemade pie crust before being deep fried to perfection." I would probably try a chocolate covered jalapeno though. For science. (article)




Did you know the smell of rain has a name? I didn't. (wikipedia) 



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I like this gif. 



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I don't owe you a smile or my time. (article) YES this is what I was talking about with the "sit like a man" post I wrote a while back.

Bad Lip Reading of the Walking Dead. The Broadway bit is pretty funny.  (video)



A four step plan to feel better. This would totally work for me too. (blog post)


Mini travel guide: Costa Rica. I want to go to there. (blog post)

These photos of Tulum are very pretty! I also want to go to there. (blog post)

I was swallowed by a hippo.  To be fair it didn't actually swallow him. But still. (article)






I want this shirt. (photo)

I'm sure you've all heard of the stray dogs in Moscow who take the train right? (article) Well I'd heard it before too but didn't really believe it until Caitlin said she saw them while she was there. THEY EXIST GUYS. 

World's largest jigsaw puzzle breaks. NOOOO haha (blog post)




Excerpts from Vanilla Ice's Wikipedia page, presented without comment. I saw TMNT II in the theater when it came out and thought he was the coolest. lol (blog post)



You won't hear me say this often, but I love this handbag. (shopping)






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 via Adulting
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What a week of groceries looks like around the world. I think Turkey, Guatemala and India look the yummiest. (photos)


Airborne beverages. (photos)




I've said this before, but here it is again: "Ebonics", or African American Vernacular, is its own dialect in English and is a valid form of speech. Descriptivists rule!! (article)

Here's a weasel playing with an Eeyore stuffy. I like how it keeps popping up from behind the pillow, too cute. (video)


Suzy faked her way into a bunch of jobs at the Juno Awards ceremonies and afterparties and...had an interesting time. Thursday, Friday Morning, Friday Night, Saturday Morning *gary, Saturday Afternoon, Saturday Night, and Sunday.

Did you hear about the skeleton that was found at the site of Jamestown, USA that confirms the colonists in 1609-1610 were cannibals during a very harsh winter? What grosses me out the most about this is that they exhumed corpses...I guess they would have been kept fresh during the winter but still...like...it's bad enough eating a dead body, but an old buried dead body? Worse. I like the look of disapproval they gave the recreation of her face. (article)



Wil Wheaton on why it's awesome to be a nerd. I got something in my eye while I was watching this. (video)





Have you heard about #followateen on Twitter? Yeah, it's a bit creepy. (article)

Amalie and company broke into an abandoned hospital near Berlin and took some beautiful photos. Here's part one and part two. (blog posts)

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Thanks Nubby
Thanks Caitlin
Thanks Rookie
Thanks Jenny
Thanks Kellie
Thanks Sarah Von
Thanks Alycia
Thanks Caitlin again
Thanks Nubby again
Thanks Clare
Thanks Courtney
Thanks Kaelah
Thanks Kaelah again
Thanks Suzy


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